In 3rd grade I won participation prize, the streak continues

I don't want to brag, but I have a very specific superpower: I am incredibly good at making the final cut of a woman's dating roster, right before getting brutally eliminated.

Every time I talk to someone, I find out I’ve unknowingly signed up for a highly competitive 5-man tournament arc. I’m basically the diversity hire of her dating pool. The lineup: you’ve got one 6’3” guy, the finance bro, the guy who thinks he’s a stand-up comedian, and then... me. The solid, average utility player who was clearly drafted just to round out the team and gauge others as me being the baseline.

I ride the bench just long enough for her texts to go from "hahaha" to "k." Then comes the ghosting. Next thing I know, she’s engaged to a guy who I swear I could beat in a spelling bee. But sure, maybe I'm the delusional one.

I always ask myself why I keep volunteering as tribute for the Hunger Games of modern dating. But then a pretty girl gives me a sliver of false hope, and my brain immediately goes, "Ooh, let's see how we get eliminated this time!" Pathetic!

But you've got to respect the consistency.